Moron

              The MORON VOL. 00 OF, BY AND FOR THE INMATES OF LOYOLA MADHOUSE No. ?? BONOMO, HEBERT TAKEN FOR RIDE Lawyers Victims in St. Patrick's Day Massacre PROFESSORS MURDERED BY MACHINE GUN Both Extremely Popular With Students For Crip ExaminationsSTUDENT BODY MOURNS LOSS Bodies Will Be Buried At Sea; Over Side of Show Boat FLASH As we go to press the Moron is in receipt of information from Sheriff Clancy of Jefferson Parish that a ramshackle Ford Coupe, license number 666-666, property of "Ham" Carpenter, Loyola University student, was found on Labarre road early this morning. Carpenter had previously reported the car as stolen late yesterday. The car contained the bullet-riddled body of a man which is as yet unidentified. It Is believed that this discovery may shed some light on the double killing of the two Loyoa professors, Alfred J. "Doc" Bonomo, and Paul "Mac" Hebert. An autopsy will be performed immediately on the body found in the car in order to ascertain whether the bullets are of the same caliber as those fired from the automatic pistol carried by Bonomo. (Picture on Page 3.) By Joe Brunk (Special Correspondent to the Moron) New Orleans, La., April 1.—Alfred J. Bonomo, and Paul Macarius Hebert, professors in the School of Law of Loyola University of the South, were found murdered at three o'clock this morning in the rear of Bobet Hall on the Loyola campus by Edward Wunderlich, prominent New Orleans attorney. When questioned by Chief of Police George Reyer as to his presence on the scene of the crime at that 'CRUMBLE OR DUNK' IS CRY OF STUDENTS Dentists Vote To Crumble; Say It Will Help Their Business MORON CANVASSES STUDENT OPINION Huey Long and George V Anxiously Await Result of Loyola Survey "Dunking corn-pone into pot-licker," stated students of the Law Department of Loyola university, when questioned, "is a direct violation of the Volstead Act, inasmuch as the transference of the ticker to the mouth via the cornpone route is transporting liquor. We are ready to admit that to the average citizen of the United States, pot-licker [f not u. h toxicating beverage, but from the appearance and condition of the •si dents of the state of Georgia, we feel certain that the reaction to continual indulgence in this form of refreshment leads inevitably to a state very much similar to that brought on by imbibing strong liquor." Such was the report handed to the chairman of the Democratic committee. He was so interested that he immediately decided to ues the statement as a plank in the Democratic Augmented Band Plans Tour Of Latin Countries Director Peterson Conducts Orchestra in 364 th Annual Concert At the conclusion of their 364 th successful annual concert yesterday, the 94 members of the Loyola Synocopated Orchestra, advised faculty and local authorities that they would shortly absent themselves from classes for four months, to make an extensive tour of South America. Director Peterson conducted the men as only a genius of his kind could. Numerous overtures and gallops were featured. Walter Donaldson's famous "To a White Owl," was sung by a quartet consisting of Ralph Neeb, Lawrence Babst, Sewald Oertling, and Hamil Cupero. The orchestra accompanied beautifully, the three sousaphones getting in their triple tonguing perfectly. Next Director Peterson sang "Will You Remember Me," and played a hot chorus on the Bassoon. Curtain was called at the conclusion of this number to clear off the array of vege- Victims in Machine Gun Massacre Above is an exclusive 'shot" of the dead professors taken while the bodies were still warm by the Moron's demon Photographer, Hamil Cupero. The deceased met their death at the hands of machine gunners. Reading from left to right: "Mac" Hebert, "Doc" Bonomo. —Cupero and Annan Photo. DENTAL CLINIC TO BE TURNED INTO MALE BEAUTY SHOP "Hotsy Totsy" Hardin Will Supervise Manicuring and Hair Dressing To stimulate greater love of the beautiful, and also to salt away more of the popular stuff, generally called money, the Dental Clinic will soon be used as a Beauty Shop for the careful and attentive male. "Hotsy-Totsy" Hardin, one time popular candidate for the best looking man on the campus (before the untimely arrival of craven face Himel) will be supervisor in general of all manicure, and hair dressing. Charles "Geranium" Keller will do all shaving, toe-nail trimming and cuspidor emptying. Assisting him in black shirt and white apron will be "Pyorhea Pocket" Perrett, clinic won-! der, and general speed boy. As manicurists Hardin will have a very efficient crew in Grunder, Bailey, Bartels and Van Antwerp, while as hair dressers Peyton, Neeb, Peterson and Roy will be unequaled. Keller will have as his assistants, in shaving, Finley, Morgan, "Priscilla" Mula, and Carpenter. For trimmers he will have Steele, alias "Bucket Face," the renowned Green- Matt and Moore. For "empty" boys he has "Guilfoyle" and Munioz. It is expected that with the installation of these features, the entire j Pharmacy and Law classes will be able to report to school occasionally, shaved. Transportation To Be Furnished Tardy Scholars Cigarettes Will Be Supplied Each Student; Purchase 40 New Fords ! Since frequent admonitions con-1 ! cerning the habitual tardiness of the students have been unavailing in betD tering this condition, the faculty, in ; desperation, has taken a definite ac! tion. This action consisted in the 11 purchase of several dozens of new Fords which will be sent to pick up '. the students each morning at their i homes and convey them to school. . I In reference to this new move, i Father Hynes said: "The students have brought this on themselves with their exasperating insistence on being 1 late for the eight o'clock classes. I They have made this drastic action imperative and now they must bear the consequences." . i It was also learned that these cars : will be available to take the students home after class hours. The drivers will be instructed to pick up only one girl for each Loyolan and to ride j them around not in excess of one ' hour before bringing them home. A schedule has been arranged de-: termining the exact time that a car, will pass for each individual student, j If the student is not ready in five 1 minutes of his set time, the car will, continue on and will not return until the other passengers have been brought to school. Incidentally, a supply of cigarettes j will be furnished in each car so that | the students may take their morning! smoke on the way to class. LOCAL GUNTOTERS WILL LEAVE SOON FOR RIFLE PRACTICE Loyola Will Send Two Teams To Camp Perry, Ohio For Shoot After meeting and defeating the leading University teams of the country, the Loyola Rifle Club has announced that it will send its two teams of ten men each to compete in the National Rifle and Pistol matches which are held at Camp Perry, Ohio, every summer. There is some possibility that the boys may meet some competition in the National Matches, but since two teams are entered Loyola should place both teams among the first five. The only thing that will prevent these boys from winning first place is their inability to shoot straight at times. They are somewhat weak on the 1,000-yard range but that will be corrected in the following manner: The boys will practice every day on a rudely constructed range between Bobet and Marquette Halls, and since there is not enough room to construct a 1,000-yard range here, the boys will fire on the two hundred yard range five times. A slight accident happened at the last shooting practice. During the night (practice is always held at night—it makes daylight shooting a cinch), Adrien Drouilhet inadvertently shot three members in the leg. The members are doing nicely and are expected to be playing target soon again. Drouilhet will be suspendedStudents Compete In All-University Campus Egg-Hunt Student Finding Greatest Number of Eggs To Receive Live Bunny Reverend Father Hynes, S. J., President of the University, has announced that the annual egg-hunt held by the faculty for the students of Loyola University will take place this Saturday at 3:30 o'clock. The boys in the chemistry class have been dyeing the eggs for some time now and promise some new beautiful colors and interesting designs for this hun,t, which is expected to surpass any of those held in previous years. The faculty, headed by Miss J. Montejo, will be on hand earlier than the appointed time to hide the eggs in as many out of the way places as they can find. Of course, they will confine themselves to the campus only. Each student is requested to bring a basket in which he may carry his successes during this thrilling game. The student who finds the greatest number of eggs will receive as a prize a real live bunny rabbit. All thos who have participated in former years can vouch for the simply marvelous time that is in store. Come early and join in the fun. (Continued on page 7) (Continued on page 7) (Continued on page 10) (Continued on page 10) U. S. POSTAGE lc Paid New Orleans, La. Permit No. 716