Maroon

              The Loyola Moron Vol. XLII Loyola University, New Orleana, La., Friday, April 1, 1966 Big Motitli of Loyola, sinoe 1623 Sicard Named Dean Of MEN; Jolly Elated Mrs. Mary Sicard, present housemother of Biever Hall, was named Dean of Men at Loyola. "Why not," roared Father Homer Jolly when questioned on the advisibility of his choice. "Well how in tarnation do you like that," commented Mrs. Sicard in her candid, folksy manner when informed of the move. "Now I can run room checks on -the in-town students, too. There won't be an unmade boy's bed in the city of New Orleans." Miss Sicard, affectionately known as "Mae" to the some 400 male boarders she plays mother for, immediately took steps to turn her second floor Biever Hall boudoir into a suite of offices. Father Jolly termed the move another in a long, line of "unprecedented actions to further enhance Loyola's image in the public eye." He cited the naming of Mrs. Sicard as housemother for the boys' dorm and a renewal of Bill Gardiner's contract as basketball coach as previous "progressive" examples. "I talked it over with several of the staff around here," Father Jolly explained, "and came to the conclusion that she was the one for the job. The clincher was when Rosie Parrino gave me the go ahead." Father Jolly noted that there was only one hitch to the whole proceedings: "Of course Rosie (Parrino) doesn't like the idea of another woman holding the title of Dean around here. 'One female Dean is enough for any school,' she told me. So we're going to call Mrs. Sicard either Deanella Sicard or Deanette Sicard. It will be brought before the Board and voted on. We should have an answer before school starts next year." Though Father Jolly would not confirm it, several rumors have been circulating as to more "progressive" steps on Loyola's part for the 1966-67 school year. Mrs. Sicard will have to be replaced in her present capacity as housemother for Biever Hall, and several reliable sources close to the university have mentioned Scranton Mouton, speech professor, as a likely successor. With the addition of the new girls' dorm and the influx of some 450 boarding females to Loyola's campus, the need has arisen for a strong controlling force to oversee the actions of these young ladies. Again Father Jolly would not confirm the statement, but the reliable sources said the two names in the ring at present were Henry Asher, head of something or other around here, and Corporal Louis Elmore, of the ROTC cadre. Neither man could be reached for comment. Give Ma of Year Award To Mae Biever Hall housemother Mn. Mary Sicard hag been voted Mother of the Year by her loving family of residents in Biever Hall. Presentation of the award was made Saturday night at the University Inn by John Valainis, WR3N (Wing Representative Third Floor North). SAGA Racked, Truck Burned In Student Riot Approxi mat e 1 y 200 hungry Loyola dorm students rioted Monday outside the service entrance of SAGA Food Service. A Pepsi-Cola truck was wrecked and burned and 32 students were treated for minor injuries by the Student Health Service. The sh or t-lived rioting, which resulted from the near famine conditions existing in the contract dining room for the past month occured late Monday afternoon. The violence began when the first group of students to enter the dining room for supper discovered that there was no cottage cheese available. Chanting "We want cottage cheese!" the students began pelting SAGA personnel with paper napkins. They then charged into the dining room to take turns throwing glasses at a milk machine. After inflamatory speeches by three unidentified students, the mob, by now 200 strong, surged out of Danna Center in the parking lot where a Pepsi truck was heing unloaded. The students overturned the truck and set fire to it. In the ensuing explosion the windows of Danna Center were shattered and huge gobs of rootbeer suds were scattered over a four-block area. Thirty students were injured by the flying glass and two others nearly suffocated from inhaling too much root-beer suds. Immediately after the explosion three guards from the university security police, surrounded the horde, blowing their whistles and brandishing flashlights. Their presence calmed the mob instantly and the rioters were led away to the ROTC rifle range for interrogation.When asked how the police had quelled the riot so easily, Lester W. Campbell, head of security for Loyola, attributed their success to student malnutrition.The Student Council asked the Student Union to form a sub-committee to investigate ways and means of perhaps seeking advice on possibly alleviating the food situation. Various authorities were consulted. The Rev. Luigi Ligutti, Vatican representative to the Food and Agricultural Organization, suggested harvesting the seaweed on the bottom of Audubon Park lagoon and plowing under the quadrangle to grow hybrid corn. Although such advice came too late, Elroy Ringer of SAGA is optimistic that the number of starvation cases will be minimal. "We still have a fair supply of rice," he said, "and no one will be asked to eat potatoes from our emergency stockpile until all that rice is gone." He added that "if the appeal we have made to the government of India for a foreign aid grant of 11 tons of rice goes through, no one will have to eat potatoes at all." He also indicated that he is negotiating with India to swap 17 tons of raspberry jello for 800 head of sacred cows. "They are scrawny," Ringer admitted,admitted, "but they will insure an adequate supply of Sloppy Joes." Other help is on the way, according to Ringer. The Vatican has dispatched five steam tables blessed personally by Pope Paul, and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick is sending 63 cases of brocoli. Chain Gang . . . Prisoners captured in the abortive riot against the Saga Food Service are being led away by members of Sgt. Lester Campbell's famous anti-riot squad. The husky students rebelled after sophomore John Birchbeer succumbed to rice poisoning during Sunday Dinner.Dinner. The prisoners were handed over to Mr. Ringer and sentenced to an extra semester on the meal program after being cornered by Campbell's Commandos in the Wolf's Den. Major Elmore Employs Military Strategy, Quells Freret Dorm Riot, Saves Panties Major Louis N. Elmore, United States Army, has been awarded Loyola Reserve Officer Training Corps' top decoration for valor (a blue ribbon and a case of Dixie beer) for his display of courage and leadership in breaking up the raucous panty raid on the Freret St. girls' dormitories. When Elmore received word of the crisis he was quickly galvanized into action. Expertly deploying his regular Ranger troops on the left flank, he then called in a reserve force from Scabbard and Blade to execute an encirclement maneuver.Braving a withering crossfire of water bullous, Major Elmore then blew the charge signal on his trumpet, and valiantly stemmed the tide of wineswilling - girl - crazy Loyola males. Official sources reported to the Moron that ROTC casualtiescasualties were described as "light to moderate," while 397 of the enemy were killed by actual body count. Leaders of the insurrection protested that the ROTC heroes violated the Geneva Conventions on Land Warfare when they substituted stale cake requisitioned from Saga Food Service for cannon balls. Questioned about this Mr. Ringer, manager of Saga replied, "Well it may have been a little sneaky, but after all this was the No. 1 item on the food preference survey." Major Elmore, not to be confused with John Wayne, did not emerge from the skirmish entirely unscratched. He received a superficial wound in the optic region (a black eye) when struck by a beer bottle hurled by one of the surly enemy mob. Sally Droppelman, monitor of the girls' dormitory was so overcome by Major Elmore's heroism that she gave him a big kiss in appreciation for savingsaving the day, saying "My hero. You're so cute in your uniform."Major Elmore maintained his poise, however, and politely reprimanded Miss Droppelman for fogging up his brass. ELMORE